What I Do

A strange new light has appeared. I feel like this sunset that happened a couple days ago. Everything’s turned upside down and I like what I’m seeing, but I don’t understand it.

I find myself consumed by a need to organize. Now I’ve never been a messy person, but Grandma’s mantra about “a place for everything and everything in its place” just hasn’t worked in this small house. I didn’t notice until after we moved in that the builder apparently didn’t think closets were necessary. The inability to devise any sort of working organization scheme overwhelmed me. It overran my very being.

Until just the last couple weeks. Something, somebody, I don’t know what, inspired me to take control of my life. No more waiting for the world to come right. All of a sudden, I realized that the difference between what I see and what I want is what I do. What I do. Me. Why didn’t I ever grasp this before?

But something else is going on here. Cool gifts have come, totally out of the blue. My husband appeared last week with a beautiful, framed mirror which just fits in my entryway. A small stack of books from my favorite author came home in a discarded box. A lovely chest, the perfect size to house my oldest son’s treasures, was given to us just as he left. In the past, I’ve dreaded Christmas because I didn’t have space for anything more to come in. Now, each gift is so clearly from God and, like that mirror, brings new light into the dark corners of my world. That’s the only way I can explain it.

Is this God? You’d think, as a Christian, that I’d immediately spout grandiose praises of any blessings that come my way. I do know He is behind all this. But I’m human, too. I’m confounded by watching changes happen in me that I did not instigate. I watch the children get into yet another trivial argument and I want to throw up my hands and quit. But then I watch myself walk calmly over to them and handle them wisely. Who is this woman in the mirror? Where is her stress?

It’s just not there. Just like the toddler outbursts, it is disappearing before my very eyes.

Something else has become clear: even if what I do is small and insignificant, it is not worthless in the larger scheme of things. Every single positive move I make brings my world that much closer to goodness. And that is beautiful. It is the ray of light that originates with my Maker and moves out, one step at a time, until a glorious wake is left behind me, which in turn emanates outward to others.

I thank you, my beloved reader, for the ripples your life has washed into mine. They are no small part of who I am and what I do.

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6 thoughts on “What I Do

  1. Nice one Brenda. It is amazing how God provides out of the blue like this for us. One thing I have been noticing is the way God rewards us for giving. Sometimes its obvious, you help someone and they thank you or help you back… but what Im seeing lately is a little different. As you well know I am a collector of everything. I love my “stuff” and it provides me with great joy…but when times get hard, as they have been often this past few years, I have had to sell stuff to keep the lights on and feed the masses here. I look at it as a blessing that I have the stuff to sell, but I get sad seeing some of my “treasure” go away. I know it is just “stuff” and that it is un-important in the big scheme of things, but I still get down if what I have sold was something special to me…but every time I have done this, God provides something in it’s place, big or small it seems almost immediate that the “letting go” is rewarded with something new to hold…and it is empowering. Earlier this summer I loaded up a whole truck full of my “stuff” and went to a big swap meet…I was in the right mind to do it, sell it all, clean my shop up a bit, and as the day went on and I watched the pile get smaller and the happy faces of those who took a part of it with them, I was happier and happier about it. It was therapeutic to watch it go…and in the end of it all the blessings that came as the result of the purge were far far more than I would have ever dreamed.

    My life is amazing, my family, my friends, my work, my play, my home…etc. Every single day of my life I wake up and wonder how this happened…”This is not my beautiful house, this is not my beautiful wife…how did I get here?” Its here because it’s Gods gift… “same as it ever was”.

    And the less tightly we hold it all…the more God rewards us. Grab a handfull of sand and squeeze it tight…it all goes away. Keep your hand open and raised up to God and the sand remains.

    I kinda went off topic a little here…my apologies…the words just came out the finger tips…but hopefully it will be another enjoyable ripple to wash into you somehow. Payback for the ripples you have washed into me with your writings…keep it up Brenda…at times it may seem silly to write something, but it truly does touch others whether you realize it or not.

  2. I’ve seen the lighting phenomenon before, particularly here in Arizona; something beyond the horizon is casting a shadow on the atmosphere as the sun sets, narrow at its point of origin and wider as it progresses outward from the source, either terrain or a low cloud. Interesting, but not unusual.

    • I’ve never seen it before and knew there had to be something casting a shadow beyond the horizon. That didn’t explain though, what I didn’t photograph: at the apex of the shadow where the blue was widest, a mirror image of it cast back into the eastern sky. I could not explain that.

  3. There was obviously an immense mirror at that point with nothing but a void behind it. You’re lucky you didn’t fall off the edge… Texas is a verrrrry strange place.

    • PS… On thinking about it, the shadow probably appeared widest overhead and, even thought it was actually continuing to expand, diminishing perspective may have made it appear to taper in the distance.

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