A new year, a new look. It was time. I’ve changed so much since I set up this space nearly two years ago.
When I first became a mother, I was advised to reserve time for me. I couldn’t; it just felt so wrong. I understand the airline concept of putting on my own facemask before turning to help the child beside me; but this isn’t an emergency. This is everyday life. This is the season of life to rear children; I must be with them, I’d think.
“Me Time” was such a buzzword, and it grated on me. I quickly learned to avoid the topic, since it was met with such hostility. “It will become a necessity; you’ll see,” an old lady warned me. But after 15 years, I was still much happier with my family intact. Dinner out wasn’t fun if I was wondering about that little piece of me I’d left behind. Even when I had six not-so-little pieces of me, time out wasn’t right without them.
Yeah, I’m weird. I know that.
Eventually, though, I saw that I couldn’t breathe anymore. I had to stop and focus on my own facemask. I hate the taste of crow. This space was set up as my time away – my adult time. But the whole concept still irritated me, because no matter how much time I got to myself, I still could not breathe. I needed something, but even getting away wasn’t helping. It was merely taking me away from my responsibilities, which didn’t help anyone.
Then I saw something important. Jesus made time alone, away from his disciples. But He didn’t go to spend “Me Time”; He went apart to commune with His Father before returning refreshed. I was confirmed that my path is turning a corner.
Spending time for me and spending time with God is vastly different. As I put aside time every morning to read Scripture, to let His word flood through my soul, and to talk with him about what I’d read or was struggling with, I was strangely strengthened. My time is often interrupted (how could it not be in a house with 6 children?), but that’s okay. The rewards are tangible, and I see that I no longer have time not to read my Bible in the morning.
It wasn’t “Me Time” I needed; it was God Time. I give everything I have in caring for my family, and it makes sense that I might need refreshing. It must be refueling time, though, not just recess. God Himself put me here and gave me this family. His Spirit must filter through every pore, into every cell, and flood every bronchiole and hemoglobin for me to actually accomplish His purpose.
“Give me your firstfruits.” “I have living water you know nothing of.” “Come to me, you who are weary.” His words jumble together in my mind as I think. So when I come directly to Him in the early morning for my thirst to be quenched and my body quickened, He is there. Just as He promised. It all comes together.
Bring it on, 2012. I’ve got a new outlook and a new look, and I’m ready for whatever you have in store.